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Learning Meditation By Attentiveness
If you're just beginning to learn meditation, either with a guided meditation group or by yourself, you sit for five or ten minutes each session; try to sit each day at the same time, morning or evening, whatever suits you right. You allow the daily five to ten minutes to extend to fifteen or twenty minutes as the weeks pass, but you by no means try and force the pace.
Meditation isn't about gritting the teeth in determination. It's about sitting calmly with yourself, and while it requires its own kind of control this has less to do with stiffness than with soft and letting go.
When the inevitable thoughts or emotions arise, you permit them to pass in and out of awareness like clouds pass in water. You don't try and push them off, but leave them to go of their own accord. No matter how 'important' the thoughts seem to be or how compelling or demanding the emotions, you don't cling to them or allow one thought or emotion to trigger another and another until you are off on a wool-gathering trail that takes you far away from the simple point of the in-breath and the out-breath.
If, however, you do get carried away, gently but confidently come back to your breathing the moment you realize this has happened. Avoid being impatient with yourself or persuading yourself you'll never pick up how to meditate. Your wandering mind is simply pointing out to you just how much you need to apply your meditation techniques. It is supporting you, prompting you, showing you how little control you have over your own thinking. The right response is gratitude, gratitude towards that part of your mind that has realized you are wool-gathering and that has prompted you to return to your point of focus.
I cannot overstress how important this attitude of gratitude is. If you make upset yourself each time you become aware you are lost in thought, you will not only be provoking the unwelcome emotion of self-disgust, you will be training your mind not to remind you when it is wandering in the future. You are in effect punishing it each time for reminding you, and naturally it doesn't like being punished. So it will prompt you less and less often, and you will find attention becomes harder and harder. In response to the frustration that this brings, your mind will then start whispering conveniently to you that meditation is a total waste of effort, and that you would be well encouraged to find something much better to do with your time.
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